The Quiet Concert: I have a new name?!

Oct

2014

I have a new name?!

Welcome to Thoughts for Thursday! This feature is our outlet to talk with you about whatever we currently have on our minds. It might be bookish, it might not! Now for this week's thought:

I have a new name??

So as some (maybe most... I dunno?) of you know I recently got married :) If you missed the recap of my wedding, check it out here. Along with all of the joys and changes from getting married, came the name change. And let me tell you, it was a struggle. I had no idea what I wanted to do at first. Should I keep my last name? Should I change my middle name to my maiden name? Should I just drop my last name for his? Should I hyphenate last names? What about having a double middle name? All of these questions just kept running through my head.

Some background on it all: growing up I swore I was never going to change my name because it was part of me. How could I change it when it was my mom, dad and brother's last name? But over time I started to change my mind. Before and after the wedding we discussed the name change. My husband was super supportive and said I could do what I wanted and would make me happy. But after getting married, I knew I wanted to take his last name. I want kids eventually and I want all our of last names to match (of course I think it is fine if they don't!). But my huge dilemma came with what to do with my maiden name since it has been a part of me and my identity for so long.

I decided I had three choices: keep my middle name, change my middle name to my maiden name, or have a double middle name. My mom was all for me changing my middle name to my maiden name. My dad, on the other hand, was like no keep the middle name just drop the maiden name. So really they were no help on that front :) My middle name is my mom's name and my brother's middle name is my dad's name. My parents started this family trend, so it was hard for me to wrap my head around dropping my middle name. I researched how complicated it would be to have a double middle name. It is not terribly hard, but without hyphenating it, I was reading that some people had major issues. The US systems are not used to handling a double middle name.

So after some more thought, I ended up keeping my middle name (my mom's name) and dropping my maiden name. It was a super tough choice. Even though I was excited to have a new last name to match my husband's, I was kinda sad at the same time.

If you are married, what did you decide to do? Did you struggle with your choice at all? If you are not married, do you plan to change your name when you get married?

Comments (10)

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Kritika · 544 weeks ago

First of all congratulations! And second, I know secondhand how annoying names can be on paperwork. My dad wrote down his name as the middle name for both me and my brother, even though our middle names are actually our grandparents' names. I want to change mine to my grandma's name, but the paperwork is such a hassle! I'm glad you finally found a way to make your name fit you!
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Fida · 544 weeks ago

Congrats!
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Estelle · 544 weeks ago

Name changing is such a THING. I've been married over 3 years and I haven't changed. Honestly, it's really hard for me to think of myself as having another name. I know my husband isn't totally thrilled about it. He ends up being called Mister (my last name) all the time and is like I AM NOT YOUR DAD. (ha) I think when we have kids I'll think about it more seriously but for right now, I'm happy with my decision to keep my maiden name.

One thing I am increasingly frustrated about is family and super close friends who have assumed I changed my name. It makes me said to get things addressed to me and my name is really no where on that envelope. Then again, I know it's more traditional to change pretty closely to your wedding and oh well, I'm just a black sheep. ha.

I'm glad you thought your decision through. Your happiness is what matters!
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mel1704 86p · 544 weeks ago

My boyfriend really wants me to change my last name to his, but it's either two names or my own name. I don't want to give up my family name, because I'm not suddenly his possession or something like that. He doesn't agree and sees it in another way, but he is a little more traditional when it comes to things and I like the modern, free approach of stuff :)

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Danielle · 544 weeks ago

Growing up, I had no doubt I wanted to take my husband's last name. There's just something about being "his" (not in a possessive way, but like we belong to each other) that made me happy. That never changed for me, but I ended up getting really lazy and kept my maiden name for the first three years of our marriage haha. And at work my name was hyphenated. It was only this past summer when I officially got it changed. :P He didn't really care either way, but I still wanted ours to be the same.
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jnbarber13 28p · 544 weeks ago

I'm getting married in June, and I'm planning on changing my name. Though, the funny thing is that I already have two middle names. When I was first born my mom and dad gave me one name, but later (2 months after), they made an amendment to my birth certificate so that my grandma would have someone named after her (so another middle name was added). Even though, my mom changed my birth certificate, I didn't realize until I was in college that she never changed my social security card and thus my license was wrong as well. I found out how annoying it is to get your name changed on your social security card and license. Despite all this, I still want to change my last name because like you I would like to have a family with all matching last names some day. Also, I've always kind of viewed it as just taking one man's last name over another (my father or my soon-to-be husband).
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Shannon @ ISAM 71p · 544 weeks ago

Congratulations!! I am married, and I kept my name. For me, it was never even a question, I just felt it was my name, my identity, etc, like you had mentioned. I have to say, though I don't regret not changing it, I do hate the weird stuff that comes with having kids with different names than you! And people do NOT understand when I try to explain that I have kept my maiden name! On paperwork, in doctors' offices, pretty much anywhere that you have to write your spouse's name (and in my case, present the insurance card with his name!) and your own, people cannot wrap their heads around it. I have actually had a doctor's office change my name on their records! Even though I clearly told them it was NOT my name.

I am glad that I stood my ground, even when my family and friends tried to pressure me to change it (my husband absolutely does not care), but in all honesty, your choice is probably going to turn out to be much easier on you! Great post, I love when people discuss this topic rationally without just assuming!
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Ashley · 544 weeks ago

Congratulations on the wedding! :D

I got legally married in March and I still haven't changed my last name. I want to, I just haven't been able to because I always have a flight booked to go somewhere under my maiden name so I wouldn't be able to change my passport, etc without screwing up those flights.

But my last booked flight is next May for BEA, so hopefully I can change it after that!
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Pam@YA Escape · 544 weeks ago

Congrats! Yeah, the name change thing…it's hard to decide what to do. I changed my name and dropped my middle name, but it makes sense for you to keep yours since it's your mom's name.
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Kay · 544 weeks ago

I originally didn't want to change my name when I got married, but I also wasn't too fond of my maiden name (I love the family but the last name was one kids could make fun of) so I did end up changing it. I like that when we have kids all of our names will be the same. I also ended up kinda liking taking his last name because it just felt right and it it didn't hurt that it was better than my maiden name. lol It sounds to me like you made a good choice, because if it works for you it is the right one.
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